Iranians in Germany struggle with war back home

The conflict between Israel and Iran has deeply affected the Iranian diaspora community in Germany.As a shaky ceasefire already threatens to quickly unravel, those who spoke with DW said they feel helpless, watching events unfold with anxiety and fear for friends and family.More than 970 people in Iran have been killed with over 3,400 injured in Israeli strikes since June 13, according to the Washington-based group Human Rights Activists. Iranian strikes on Israel have killed at least 24 people and injured over 1,000.As the conflict continues, daily life in Iran is being severely disrupted. Authorities in Iran have cut off internet connectivity, which makes it harder for families to stay in touch, while stifling information about what is happening in the country.A crowd in Tehran waves flags at a protestA crowd in Tehran waves flags at a protestSome Iranians in Germany said they feel guilty, torn between the safety of their adopted home and the chaos engulfing their homeland. Germany is home to one of Europe's largest Iranian diaspora communities.In Munich, Cologne, Berlin and Stuttgart, thousands of kilometers away from the chaos of war, they grapple with powerlessness, often unable to contact loved ones, and left only with hope.

Interviewees have not shared their full names for security reasons.

'The guilt is unbearable'

Sahar, 35, has lived in Germany's southern city of Munich for eight years. She said she had never imagined waking up to news of war in Iran."For years, the regime told us: yes, there are sanctions against us, yes, we lack freedoms, but at least we have security," she said."Where is that security now?"Sahar said it's hard to convey the emotional weight of the conflict to her German friends and colleagues."How do you describe the feeling of knowing your people are suffering day and night, and then suddenly a missile hits their home in the middle of the night?"Sahar said she is even contemplating returning to Iran."If this war drags on, I want to be with my family. The guilt is unbearable. At least if something happens, I'll be there with them."

A mother alone in Tehran

In the western city of Cologne, Omid said he worries about his 86-year-old mother who lives alone in Tehran.

Her caregiver fled the city in fear two days ago."I was planning to visit her next month," Omid said. "Now, I can't even reach her. The internet is down. Her landline doesn't work. I've never felt this helpless.""My mother's hearing is weak. Maybe she can't hear the explosions," he said.Omid has turned to neighbors, requesting them to check on her. But with communication cut off, he said it sometimes feels like shouting into a void.

Suffering in silence

Mastaneh, an engineer in the southern city of Stuttgart, avoids talking about Iran at work."If someone asks, I'll cry," she said. "So, I start talking about projects and deadlines before anyone can bring it up."One day, while lost in thought at the office coffee machine, her Syrian colleague gently squeezed her hand and said: "I understand how you feel."That simple gesture broke her. "I hugged her and whispered, 'Poor people of the Middle East.'"

A baby in danger

Ali, a musician in the small western city of Aachen, said he worries about his baby niece in Iran who was born with a heart condition."She needs constant medical care," he said."My sister spent 14 hours trying to reach a safer city. I was losing my mind," he said, adding that his sister now cannot access the usual medical treatment needed for her baby. "If something happens to her, who do we blame?" Ali said."Iran is as responsible as Israel. Netanyahu and Khamenei are equally guilty," he said, referring to the prime minister of Israel and Iran's Supreme Leader.

Communication cut off

Many Iranians abroad are clinging to any thread of connection back home. As soon as someone finds a working phone line or internet access in Iran, others are quickly informed.In the German capital, Berlin, Payam and a few others have created a WhatsApp group. Whenever someone in Iran is able to get online, the group asks them to check on multiple families."The psychological pressure of the internet blackout is worse than the war itself.

Not knowing anything about my family is the scariest part," Payam said."If the government truly believes cutting the internet makes things safer, I can live with that. But if this blackout drags on and the war becomes drawn out, it'll be a nightmare," he added."Actually, we're already living in one … will I hear from my family again?"Solmaz, who came to Germany as a refugee many years ago, hasn't returned to Iran in over two decades."Will I hear their voices again?" she said, wondering about her friends and family still in Iran.She lost her mother three years ago, and last year, she met with her siblings in Turkey for a rare reunion."It was the first time I saw my nieces and nephews," she said. "Even though I had never met them before, I realized how deeply I love them."These days, Solmaz finds herself constantly thinking about her teenage nieces and nephews."I worry about their future. Is there any hope for them in this situation?" she said.She said her 16-year-old niece, Nasim, used to call her daily before the internet was cut off in Iran."With her unique humor, she'd say, 'Auntie, another explosion happened here!' and then laugh loudly. She'd walk around the house with her phone, giving me a full report on everyone. She once joked, 'Auntie, are our dads braver than us? There are explosions everywhere, and my dad is just debating whether the watermelon he bought is sweet enough.'"Now, with days of complete silence from her family, Solmaz said she can't stop crying when she thinks of Nasim's jokes."I don't know if I'll ever hear their voices again — those who had no choice but to stay in Tehran," Solmaz said.

'Listen to the people inside Iran'

Negar, recently divorced and battling depression, said the war has sapped her of every ounce of strength."I feel numb. I follow the news, I see the images, but I feel nothing. Maybe I'm in shock," she said."What difference does it make if you write about me and a few others here? Who cares? Go listen to the people inside Iran!" she saidJournalist Gilda Sahebi describes 'mixed feelings' in Iran.