5 reasons to NOT vent about problems (& what to do instead)

3 days ago 48

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What is venting?

Everyone, be it an animal or a human, has good and bad days. And while the good days pass by in celebration, the bad ones stay on and keep us unhappy for long periods of time. This could be a failed event, a demotion, a fight with a partner, or simply feeling low. And so we talk about these feelings, or ‘vent’ about them to someone. Venting is basically expressing our emotions and talking about what is making us unhappy.

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Why and how venting helps?

Venting definitely helps people, but unfortunately, only in the short-term. When we talk to someone, we feel heard and it reduces the feeling that we are alone. When we vent out to someone, it makes us take off the emotional load we have in our heart and mind, and makes us feel at ease. The venting helps people feel calmer, get a grip over their emotions, and also reduces sadness to a certain extent.
But as this venting only gives short term relief, there are people who believe that one should not vent about their problems all the time. Here we mention 5 reasons why.

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Can keep you stuck in the sadness

When you vent, talk, or crib about the problems repeatedly, it keeps your mind focused on them. Instead of moving forward or finding a solution, people just end up reliving the problem over and over again when they vent or talk about it. And while it may feel like the weight is off your shoulders, this feeling does not last very long. Over time, this can increase sadness, stress, and even anxiety, and keeps your attention locked in the past instead of helping you feel better in the present.

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Makes people focus on the negative

Our brains are designed to learn patterns and when we keep repeating certain kinds of thoughts or emotions, the brain starts forming shortcuts. If you make venting about negative situations a habit, your brain will start automatically looking for what’s wrong instead of what’s right, thus giving you a chance to vent or talk about it repeatedly.
And soon, it will become a mental trap. Even when you have a good day, you will look for the negatives so that you can talk about them.

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Is emotionally draining

While you will feel that venting helps you emotionally, for the listener, it can be extremely draining. When you constantly vent to someone, even if they care about you, it can wear them out. And while they may not say it out loud, they will feel overwhelmed, helpless, or even irritated after a point.
And eventually, this will strain your relationships.

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Can harm your image

People form impressions based on how we talk and behave with them. And if you are someone who is always cribbing and venting about how bad life is, people won’t have the best impression of you. People may start to view you as negative, dramatic, or emotionally unstable, and so they will naturally distance from you. No matter how hardworking or punctual you are, the constant venting with random people will harm your reputation and personality.

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It does not really solve the problem!

The most important reason why venting is not going to help is that it doesn't solve anything. Sure, it makes you feel better, but how far can you go with just feelings? In fact, the more you talk about what went wrong, the less time and energy you have to think about how to make it right and what to improve for the next step.

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What to do instead?

While venting occasionally is fine and normal, and it won’t cause any harm, doing it constantly will bring negative emotions only. So next time you think about venting about your problems to someone, try to think it through first and write it down. Journal it, keep a venting diary, or just write it as a message to yourself. And don’t just write things for the sake of it, and only describe why you are mad, also write how you can avoid it in the future.
Or, if you wish to eliminate this part completely, just focus on a possible solution. For example, suppose you are venting about a certain colleague to a friend of yours, and how they are making your life miserable. Instead of just talking badly about them, also focus on how you can avoid that colleague or not engage with them to protect your peace.

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